Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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