you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
