too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
