OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
