I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
