Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
kristin has been a bad kristin
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
