my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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