I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
