You can't special order awesome
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
