yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize