Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
