I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
