You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
