i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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