maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
