how hairy? two words: wookie tits
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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