I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
