I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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