Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
