My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My cat gives me a boner
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
