can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
