its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
