i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You need a sexual gate keeper
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
