I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
