I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize