I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
