Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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