If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
