Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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