At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're breaking my sexual little heart
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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