so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
