remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
