So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we're making bets on your personal life
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
