On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
