Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
