I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
