Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
