i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
