It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The air taste purple.
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