Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize