Me too!
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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