saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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