Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
