Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
