I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
