"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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