connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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