Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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