Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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