out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dick very happy bro
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
