I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
