You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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