i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
