Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
