So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
