This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Everyone says I win the strip club
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
