At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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