i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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