Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
