she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
