she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
two words: eviction party
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
